help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
