Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
