You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
