Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
