Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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