I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
