I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
