Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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