No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
