My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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