If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
