Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize