no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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