I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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