Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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