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Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
