we have pet lesbian snakes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
