u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
