if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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