So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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