Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
