and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
