his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
