Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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