sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't shave. On purpose
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
