I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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