we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
