I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
