if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize