Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
