would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
