You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
