New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
