Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
