shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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