just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
