how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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