Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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