woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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