the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
