I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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