evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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