found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
