my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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