Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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