Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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