he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
