somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
