I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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