you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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