exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
