The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
