Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
