Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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