I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
