you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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