Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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