I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
