Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
