i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
