a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize