somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
